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May 4, 2020

In a recent article, we’ve been given a few suggestions from our fellow mom about positive parenting in raising our kids. But the question of how to discipline your kids is on a different note as well.

First and foremost, you need to know the purpose of disciplining children. It should not be to punish them for what they did, but it should be to teach them why what they did was wrong.

If we always make our children feel that they have to “pay” for what they did and that they can get attention from you because of it, this may become their way to get you to notice them and contest your power over them. You wouldn’t want that. These may be the fastest ways to stop their tantrums or to change their behavior. But these actions can lead to long-term effects on your kids, especially if it’s physical punishment.

Now, there’s no wrong or right way, and we can’t judge how a mother disciplines her child, because our kids are different from each other. So, it’s normal that we will have different ways of disciplining children. My approach may be more effective to my children than it would be to your children or the children of our other mom friends.

“Through the years, I learned that discipline across generations varies. One style does not fit all.” ~ Mommy Esmie

So today, think of this list as a guide where we can base the way we discipline our kids. I recently talked to a few of my mom friends about this, so let’s see what other moms do to discipline their kids:

How to Discipline Your Kids

1. Set rules. Be consistent. Establish consequences.

These rules help you teach them the difference between right and wrong. Discuss this with them as early as you can, and explain why these rules are important to you and your child. The consequences shouldn’t feel like a punishment to them. This should only be a way for you to let them understand that every action or decision they make, whether good or bad, has a price, and sometimes it won’t even come from you but through natural consequences.

On Setting Rules

“Being a mother is not easy. I always told my two daughters to love and respect each other. I teach them as they grow some of the household chores because I believe that it is important for them to learn how to do those chores, for them to become independent and responsible people. So far, I am very proud of my daughters because, whenever I’m not with them, they know what to do and I don’t need to worry.” ~ Mommy Helen

“Sa money and work aspect… you need to teach your children the difference between wants and needs. Kapag needs ako ang magproprovide… pag wants, she needs to work for it … pag ipunan niya … para ingatan niya yung mga gamit na binibili niya. Hindi dapat lahat ng gusto ng anak ibibigay dapat matutunan nila ang value of work.” ~ Mommy Lourdes

On Being Consistent

“I do not believe in favorites, all the rules in the house applied to all. The way I discipline each of them varies, the approach varies, as each child is different, but the rules and guidelines are the same.” ~ Mommy Bernadette

Mommy Benadette believes that some lessons are long-term and should be taught even as your kids get older. “It’s tough being a Mom. You will always have a soft spot for your kids even when they get older. I taught them to love their siblings, share everything from toys to food and books, no squabbling, and always tidy up their toys and books after playing. Over the years, I have never seen them quarrel or fight. They grew up close to each other. They share everything. Manners, their behavior at home, and anywhere we go means so much to me.” ~ Mommy Bernadette

On Establishing Consequences

“Grounded sila. Kinukuha namin yung toys or phones and gadgets nila and ask them to help sa bahay. Medyo old school oo, pero it helps kasi eh, lalo na nung maliliit pa sila. Kasi mas naalala nila na ayaw na nilang gawin ulit yung kasalanan nila kasi ayaw nilang makuha toys or phone nila. Pero lagi ding akong may promise na if magbehave na ulit sila for an hour or so, ibabalik ko na sa kanila.” ~ Mommy Liya

“Saken mas effective yung disiplinahin ko siya through the consequences of her actions. Hindi dahil pabaya ako na nanay, pero hinahayaan ko siya kasi minsan dun lang talaga siya matuuto, lalo na nung lumalaki na siya at tumitigas na ulo. Kapag nag iinarte siya sa ulam namin, sasabihin ko hindi siya pwede magdessert. That way, natuturuan ko siya na ‘di pwedeng hindi kumain ng tama. Pero kung may nagawa siyang maganda, lagi ko rin siyang binibigyan ng prize, pero hindi ko sinasabi na condition ‘yun. If she picks up her toys nang ‘di ko kailangang sabihin, gagawan ko siya bigla ng favorite niyang chocolate drink, pero hindi palagi kasi ayoko rin siyang i-spoil. That way, I instill in her that she’ll be rewarded with her good behavior, pero hindi rin siya dapat maghanap ng kapalit palagi.” ~ Mommy Aurora

“I admit, napapalo ko sila minsan. Doon na rin kasi kami nasanay ng asawa ko na mapasunod sila agad. Lalo na kapag hindi magtigil sa iyak yung mga anak ko, isang palo lang titigil na sila. Pero ngayon sinusubukan kong iwasan. Ngayon, nagtanda na din kasi sila, kaya napapasunod na sila kasi tatakutin ko silang papaluin ko or ng daddy nila kapag nagpasaway sila. Tapos ganun pa lang titigil na sila sa pagpapasaway.” ~ Mommy MC

2. Always hear them out and let them understand your side too.

It would be hard to discipline your child if they feel that you’ll never listen to what they have to say. So before drawing conclusions and giving consequences, hear them out first and then discuss how you would solve the problem.

“Kung pagdidisiplina sa anak ang paguusapan, mas mabuting kausapin ang anak ng masinsinan. Ipaliwanag yung maling nagawa at kung hindi makikinig o umulit lang din naman, maiging bigyan ng punishment. Pero kung maaari, ‘wag sana dumating sa point na pagbuhatan ng kamay.” ~ Mommy Mel

“Whenever I scold them for doing something, I explain to them kung bakit ko sila pinapagalitan. There’s always an explanation. Sometimes I even say na, ‘Ayaw kita pagalitan but you need to know na I’m doing this to teach you a lesson.” ~ Mommy Camie

“How to discipline my unica hija… Working mommy and daddy kasi kami, kaya usually Tita kasama niya sa bahay… Pero we see to it na kami as a parent, sinasabihan namin siya palagi na di maganda ang ganyan attitude and always reminding her not to do that bad thing… Medyo ‘spoiled’ ng unti, pero may takot pa din siya amin na parents niya.” ~ Mommy Anna

“I never spanked or even shouted at them, then and until now. I talked to them on eye level. I never reprimand them in front of other people. When they misbehave and they do know when, I always tell them that we needed to talk later. A frown from me stops them normally from tantrums. I never talked to them with baby talks, but treated them like big kids. This taught them how to be responsible for their own things and taught them to be confident with themselves.” ~ Mommy Bernadette

“Being a mother of two is not that easy, because I am a working mother. Hindi ko namomonitor yung ginagawa nila, especially yung bunso ko. Siya ung tipong dapat mapangaralan ng maayos kasi kung ano yung maririnig niya sayo eh ‘yun yung tatatak sa mind niya. Kaya whenever I scold them for doing something, I explain to them kung bakit ko sila pinagsasabihan. Sinasabi ko rin sa kanila na kaya ko sila pinapagalitan kasi mahal ko sila at ayaw ko silang mapahamak.” ~ Mommy Shey

“Simple lang, lagi kaming may open communication lalo na nung nag teenage years na siya. I would always let her open her feelings and reasons on why she did this or want to do it. When she’s done, I will then explain the pros and cons of her actions.” ~ Mommy Ris

3. Be observant of their misbehaviors.

See if there’s a pattern or a trigger, maybe they misbehave when you pay little attention to them, or when they’re jealous of their sibling, or maybe you forget a promise to them. Think about it and have a good talk with them.

“Minsan inoobserve ko rin kung bakit siya biglang nagmamaktol. Sobrang out of the blue kasi minsan. Wala naming umaaway sa kanya sa mga kapatid niya. Walang kumuha ng toys niya. Yun pala kasi nakalimutan ko yung promise ko sa kanya nung umaga na maglalaro kami. Sa dami rin kasi ng ginagawa ko as a single mom, ang hirap rin makaalala! Pero ngayon mas nagiging observant na ko sa kanya, and it helps kasi minsan naaabangan ko na and napeprevent ko na yung tantrum niya.” ~ Mommy Jo

“Being observant of my son’s behavior helped a lot. May time kasi na sunod sunod na araw siyang nagtantrum, and it was because nagselos siya sa sister niya na mas nalalaanan ko ng time, kasi yung daughter ko eh tinatalian ko pa ng buhok tapos siya suklay lang. Sobrang simple or babaw pero I realized na they are observant as well. So, I talked to him and made him understand na I love both of them equally. Kaya naging mas aware ako sa actions ko and time spent with both of them. Dapat talaga walang lalamang, dapat pantay na treatment.” ~ Mommy Maine

4. Be an example to them.

Remember, your kids look up to you. They are observant as well. They think that everything you do and say would always be right, so despite the pressure, we, as parents, are the one’s who’ll set the example.

“By setting a good example for your child to follow, and by establishing trust between you and your child.” ~ Mommy Jenn

“Saken it’s teaching them by example. Kasi yung mga ginagawa mo, sinasabi mo, nakikita nila mga ‘yun eh. So, if pagsabihan mo sila about something they did, nakakahiya naman kapag sinabi nilang ‘Eh bakit po ikaw mommy?’ It puts a pressure on us moms, us parents rin kasi sa husband ko din, pero ganun talaga eh. How would they learn or be disciplined by you if ikaw mismo di ka disiplinado?” ~ Mommy Liya

“When before, traditional parents just warn gen x kids with a single look & a loud voice, this style does not work at all for millennials. Teaching by example works better. Kids follow what you do rather than what you say. Imposing a parent’s standard will only be okay when the child ‘buys in’ – when the kid knows the benefit to him. The ‘telling’ stage is very short for millenials, they respond better when parents are more of ‘listeners’ and ‘supporters.’ I wish I learned these earlier in my life. I could’ve saved a lot of stress. On a personal note, my kids became more independent because I gave them leeway as they grew up, especially in school.” ~ Mommy Esmie

5. Call a time-out.

Sometimes our kids need space too. This could be a time for them to reflect on their actions as well. You can set the time limit or let them be for as long as they want to, and then ask them to come back once they have calmed down.

“Di ko na lang muna kinikibo yung tantrums niya, lalo na kapag nasa bahay lang naman kami. Di naman kasi kami mayaman, so I work from home tapos husband ko wala sa bahay all day kasi nasa work. So magiging busy ako sa pagluluto, or yung sa work ko, tapos bigla siyang mag-iiyak kasi di ko napapansin. Pero alam ko kasi na nagpapapansin lang siya eh. Tapos mamaya maya mananahimik na siya, pero umiiyak pa rin. Silent crying na lang. Tsaka ko siya tatawagin at i-eexplain ko ulit na nagwowork si mommy, pero if magbehave siya manonoud kami ng movie mamaya. And ako naman I make sure to keep my promise sa kanya.” ~ Mommy Aurora

“Minsan din, ignore ko na lang muna sila hanggang sa mapagod na sa pag-iyak, lalo na kapag may inaasikaso ako bahay. Tsaka ko na sila kakauasapin at pagsasabihan kapag nanahimik na at nagmumukmok na lang sa sulok.” ~ Mommy MC

“As a single mom, minsan I could only take so much in a day. Yung work ko, tapos susundin ko pa anak ko sa mama ko kasi iniiwan ko muna siya dun. Tapos yung mga need ko pa asikasuhin sa bahay pagkauwi namin, tapos bigla pa siyang magwawala at iiyak. It’s really hard. Pero one of the ways I discovered was, instead of pagalitan ko siya for disturbing me, hinahayaan ko lang siya, parang di ko naririnig yung iyak niya. It gets annoying sometimes, pero in the end, tatahimik siya tapos biglang pupunta sa kwarto. Mamaya bigla na siyang tatabi na saken at aakapin ako to say sorry, then I hug her back and tell her sorry din kasi busy pa ako. Then I tell her na we’ll bake or or do something together after yung chores, and then ask her to help me para matapos na at makapag bonding na kami.” ~ Mommy AJ

6. Give them attention and bond with them.

Whether it be through small talks, one-on-one dates, playing with them, or cooking with them, don’t let a day pass without you giving them attention. Because sometimes, that’s just what they need to discourage their misbehavior.

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“I treat her as a friend, daughter, give her the respect and trust. Inaalam ko rin yung mga pinagkakaabalahan din nila at minsan nakikisabay din ako sa mga gusto nila. I make sure din na friend ko rin mga friends nila. What is important is to gain your children’s trust para wala siya inililihim sa akin. Try to be your children’s best friend. Try to know and adjust to their activities. Kasi iba na ang generation nila. We parents need to level up din naman.” ~ Mommy Ris

“Mahirap mag disiplina ng mga kids isa isa sila may iba’t ibang mode at hilig, pero ang importante pare pareho ang pagmamahal mo sa kanila, ako kasi hindi ko sila pinapagalitan. Kung may ibang tao, sa private place ko sila kinakausap, tapos isa isa ko silang dinidate bonding kami bawat isa. Halimbawa, yung panganay ko muna yung isasama ko sa grocery tapos kain kami sa labas then doon ko na siya kakausapin. Kung ano anong mga bagay para makapag open din siya ng mga gusto niyang sabihin, pero sa panahon ngayon mahirap mag disiplina ng kids, maraming distraction.” ~ Mommy Marga

There are a lot of different ways of disciplining children, we just have to know the ones that will be effective on our kids. And it should be the ones that our kids would also agree to. It may be the fastest or easiest way for you, but they may not like it, and that wouldn’t be of much help for both of you.

Some of us may be recognized as the “cool mom” or the “scary mom” or the “war freak mom” in our children’s group of friends, or maybe we’re the ones being referred to when kids say, “Strict ang parents ko.” But let’s remember that in disciplining our kids, no matter how, we would always have one goal. And that’s to teach them, to guide them, and to help them understand what’s right from wrong, and the consequences both actions would lead to. But the most important thing in disciplining them is to never forget to remind them of how much we love them and that all we want is what’s best for them.