Olivia Barredo
June 1, 2023

As parents, it can be quite disheartening to see your once-loving children transform into fierce opponents right before your eyes. The constant squabbles, toy battles, and endless competitions can leave moms feeling utterly drained and at a loss for solutions. Sibling rivalries tend to test our patience and sanity, and while we may have all been there before with our own siblings, now that it’s our turn taking the role of mom, it’s normal to not quite know what to do. 

 

But armed with the right knowledge and approach, you have the power to transform sibling rivalry into lifelong camaraderie! We’re here to lend you a helping hand and equip you with the tools you need to navigate the tumultuous world of sibling rivalry. Fostering a happy and healthy home environment is on every mom’s to-do list, and we’re here to help you accomplish that!

 

 

How Do Sibling Rivalries Begin?

 

 

As children navigate their journey towards self-discovery, they often find themselves competing with their siblings to establish their individuality. This journey to finding their own personal identity comes in the form of showcasing unique talents, activities, and interests. In experiencing this, there are several factors that contribute to the development of sibling rivalry and the strain it sometimes places on family dynamics. Here are some: 

 

1. Age

 

Surprisingly, age plays quite the significant role in sibling rivalry. Preschoolers may resort to fighting to protect their own toys and belongings, while grade-school children often become preoccupied with notions of fairness. Teenagers, meanwhile, may feel burdened by the responsibility of caring for younger siblings.

 

Additionally, age differences play a part in this as well. Siblings who are closer in age are more likely to clash with one another. Their interests may be similar to one another considering the small age gap, and this might create opportunities for competitions and conflicts to arise.

 

 

2. Individual Temperaments and Personalities

 

We also can’t deny that your children’s personalities heavily influence sibling relationships. Siblings with different moods, traits, and adaptability levels may clash and aggravate the other. For instance, outgoing and louder siblings may clash with the laid-back and usually quiet child, causing friction.

 

 

3. Parenting Style and Parental Behaviors

 

Sometimes, it’s us. Some parenting styles can contribute to the development of sibling rivalries, so it’s fairly important to be aware of what shouldn’t be done. Controlling or disinterested parenting styles have been linked to higher levels of sibling rivalry, while parents who adopt a mediator role and those who coach their children on resolving conflicts are able to reduce rivalries amongst siblings!

 

Certain parental behaviors can worsen sibling rivalries as well. Openly favoring one child over the other, making comparisons between siblings, and setting them up in competitive situations can intensify feelings of jealousy and rivalry. 

 

 

Tips to Navigate Sibling Rivalry

 

 

Celebrate Individuality

 

It’s always essential to cultivate an atmosphere of appreciation for each child’s qualities and individuality! Make sure that each child feels genuinely valued, and take the time to engage in what they like! If one child loves outdoor activities, put on your sneakers and join them under the sun! Alternatively, if another child enjoys books, cozy up beside them and read them a story! Recognizing and catering to their individual preferences will help them feel seen and appreciated!

 

Additionally, avoiding labels is also a good practice to adopt to minimize the competitive environment between siblings. Instead of going “Maria is the artistic one”, focus on other skills and attributes that make up their personality, such as her talent for art, her empathic nature, and her ability to create.

 

 

Treat Kids Fairly, Not Equally

 

Fairness is a fundamental principle in parenting, but it’s important to remember that fairness does not always equate to equality. As parents, it’s crucial to recognize and respond to these individual differences when it comes to things like gifts, food, rewards, and even punishments. 

 

For instance, rather than giving two children the same toy, a more effective approach would be to offer different toys that align with each of the children’s respective interests! This kind of fairness acknowledges their differences and respects their individualities. Small things like this may seem miniscule, but in fact can go a long way in building trust and fostering positive self-esteem as well!

 

 

Coach Your Children

 

As your children’s problem-solving coach, teach them skills for managing disagreements and handling angry feelings. Guide them towards positive resolutions and allow them to let out their feelings in creative ways. Intervene with ideas when conflicts arise and remind them to share and find fair solutions. Discuss conflicts later without blaming to prevent future fights and children constantly pointing the finger at each other when things go wrong. Teach respectful disagreement and find alternatives to fighting. By coaching your children in problem-solving, you foster their social and emotional development, promoting effective communication and healthy relationships!

 

 

While dealing with sibling rivalry may seem like an overwhelming challenge, it is important to remember that you have the ability to make a positive impact on your children’s relationship. As moms, we understand the toll that constant conflicts can take on our patience and well-being, but with the proper tools and support, you can create a happy and harmonious home environment for your children.