parenting

Distance Learning: Overcoming the Challenges

July 16, 2020

In the previous article, we discussed the challenges that we face as we transition to online learning. It might be a little overwhelming to some of us considering that this is the first time we’ve experienced this kind of setup. So, how are we going to overcome the stress of transitioning to online learning? How can we balance our work as well as our children’s needs? We’ve listed down a few tips to help you out. Challenge 1: Keeping children focused Your child’s dependency on electronic devices and other online activities will definitely increase with the need to be online more frequently for classes. What you can do: Before the start of their class, remind them first of how important studying is — whether it is by going physically to school or doing it virtually. Motivate and give them a reward whenever they accomplish something. A simple hug, a pat on the shoulder or even putting on a star sign on their work can go a long way to motivate them to focus and do better. Another option is to restrict your kids from switching their screens on other websites or apps. Try installing mobile apps that have the option to lock other apps you don’t want your kids to access during their online classes. For Apple users, you can visit the settings of your phone and just search for “Screen Time.” Challenge 2: Establishing a routine It can be difficult to structure your day with your child when you’re unsure what activities need to be included every day. However, this is only a short-term and temporary challenge that can be overcome with time and experienced with the ‘new normal.’ What you can do: Many of us are not familiar with how homeschooling works or how to structure a day of distance learning. Being at home means that you can do things at your most preferred time. However, this might be hard when you also have a child that you need to attend to. Make sure to set a schedule of their day and your day too, the day before. Designate certain times for learning, socials, meals, and don’t forget to set a fun time as well. When you’ve already established a schedule, make sure to stick with it. Challenge 3: Balancing work and responsibilities with teaching It’s important to cater to your own needs as well as your child’s, which can be difficult when they need extra help understanding how to adapt to this new method of schooling. However, this adaptation can happen pretty quickly and before you know it, you’ll be able to multitask even better than you currently do. What you can do: Be transparent with your company about your conflicting priorities and make sure everyone knows what they can expect from you. Balance is a huge key here, though with a lot of trial and error — and that’s okay. Putting on a boundary setting on your kids might also be a great help. Tell them that while they’re in their online class or after you teach them, you’ll also have to work on your own things. See to it that they understand the current situation in the best way possible. Challenge 4: Understanding content Understanding content that you haven’t learned in years can be daunting, but you likely have more time now to catch up on this so you can be a better teacher to your kids. What you can do: Understanding the lessons you comprehended from long ago may be different now. Therefore, stock up on the latest reading materials. There’s a lot of downloadable files out there that can help and guide you. Take this chance to discover new things together with your kids as this can add up to your bonding moments as well. Challenge 5: Reducing anxiety from real-world concerns The news can be overwhelming at the moment, but distracting yourself from it by investing your full attention to your child’s homeschooling and wellbeing can help you forget about these worries. What we can do: The overwhelming news popping out everywhere is one of the causes of our stress nowadays. Just make sure that it doesn’t consume you. Be reminded that your kids need you now more than ever. Remember too that we are all experiencing this uncertain crisis. Stay calm and don’t let this pandemic affect you and your relationship with your children. This is the time where we can get closer to our family. A blessing in disguise that we never asked for, but have come to realize, also has great benefits. No matter what your situation is, the most important thing is to optimistically deal with the trials you have no control over and be strong enough to overcome them as a parent and as an individual. Take things one day at a time and accomplish whatever you can, Mommies! We know you can do it!

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Distance Learning: Challenges for You & Your Kids

July 9, 2020

With schools transitioning to online learning at home, many parents are wondering what they can do to support their child. If you’re wondering the same thing, you’re not alone. Distance Learning and Homeschooling are unchartered territories for many parents, but these challenges can easily be overcome. Here, we list those challenges so that you can prepare and ensure a swift transition from classroom learning to distance learning. Keeping children focused Your child’s dependency on electronics and other online activities will definitely increase with the need to be online more for classes, which can lead to distractions from online games. Establishing a routine It can be difficult to structure your day with your child when you’re unsure what activities need to be included in every day. However, this is only a short-term and temporary challenge that can be overcome with time and experience with the ‘new normal.’ Balancing work and responsibilities with teaching It’s important to cater to your own needs as well as your child’s, which can be difficult when they need extra help understanding how to adapt to this new method of schooling. However, this adaptation can happen pretty quickly and before you know it, you’ll be able to multitask even better than you currently do. Understanding content Understanding content that you haven’t learned in years can be daunting, but you likely have more time now to catch up on this so you can be a better teacher to your kids. Reducing anxiety from real-world concerns The news can be overwhelming at the moment, but distracting yourself from it by investing your full attention to your child’s homeschooling and wel-lbeing can help you forget about these worries. So, while these challenges may be scary or overwhelming, remember that we’re in this together. Stay tuned for the next article, where we'll talk about how to overcome the challenges we've listed here.

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I’m a Young Mom and Proud of It

June 5, 2020

There is no book or class out there that could possibly prepare you for the adventures you are about to endure as a parent. When I was 21 years old, holding a positive pregnancy test in my hand, I felt my world stop – all the things I had planned, my goals, my career, my future – just blurred out of focus. I was shocked. I never thought I’d be a mom at 21. I cried and felt hopeless. It felt like I hadn’t lived my life to the fullest and I was not ready. But I guess no one ever really is, whether a pregnancy was planned or not. Obviously being a young mom, I heard a lot of “but you’re still a baby yourself”, “what about school?”, “can you really handle being a mom at your age?”, “you just wasted your future” – and so much more. I was constantly criticized for getting “knocked up” too soon and not doing things “how I was supposed to”, but to be honest, I wouldn’t change a thing. Yes, I’m a young mom, but that doesn’t mean my life is over. Do I regret it? No, I don’t. Some might say that I missed out on my twenties, and it did kind of feel like that at first. But the moment my daughter was born, everything changed. I realized that my life was so much more than parties, drinking and dating. And I most definitely do not regret putting my career on hold just to be able to take care of my baby and be with her every day. I truly cannot imagine my life without my husband and my daughter and I wouldn’t trade any of the sleepless nights for one minute away from the two of them. My baby’s smile lights up the entire room and makes me love her so much it hurts, and to me, there is nothing better than that. Now I’m taking my third year as a mom, and although it’s been tough at times, I can proudly say that I’ve grown so much as a woman and a mother. I’ve also discovered some little-known perks of being a young mom and I’d like to share them with you. Easier adjustment Transitioning into motherhood could be quite disorienting. Yet, when other moms complain about how difficult it was to switch gears and give up the lifestyle they’ve been accustomed to, I couldn’t relate. I went from being a college student to a young mom. I didn’t have a decade of “me” time, lazy Sundays or a vacation. I was already on hustle mode at 21, so everything from that point on felt like progress. Sharing accomplishments I’ve heard a lot of young women say that they’re waiting till they’ve “accomplished everything they want to accomplish” before having kids. And again, I just want to say that your life does not end when you have a baby. I think it’s beautiful to be able to show your kids how to get from one point to another despite the countless obstacles and setbacks. To grow a life alongside your child and be able to share your accomplishments with them like having them watch you accept your Master’s degree or starting your own business. Refocused goals and ambitions Nothing will change your perspective quite like bringing a new life into the world. It could be a desire to do good, a spark of creativity or a fundamental rearrangement of priorities. Becoming a mom can change us in ways we never expected and it gives us a reason to do more and be better. Many young moms, including myself, are grateful to have had that shift sooner rather than later. A reason to grow-up Your 20s are a time for self-growth and self-discovery, a time to define adulthood and ourselves. Others would think that the only way to find one’s self is alone, somewhere, in solitary introspection. In my experience however, there’s nothing quite as introspective as motherhood. It will show you your flaws, shortcomings and deep-set issues. Seeing yourself through the lens of a new life can be transformative and has given me an urgent reason to grow up and be my best self. “When I had my son, it wasn’t just about me anymore. My thoughts revolved around him and how I could give him a better future.” – Mommy Audrey Grandparents Giving birth to my daughter at a young age also means that my parents are still young. Not only will they be able to spend more time with her, but they’re able to share their knowledge and help me as well. I’m thankful for the support and love they’ve given me and my daughter. “I was a teen mom. It was in high school when I got pregnant. I had no idea how to take care of a baby, I could barely take care of myself. That’s why I’m so thankful I had my parents with me. They showed me how to do everything – from changing diapers to putting my son to bed. And I love how they get to be very involved in his life.” - Mommy Nela Spending more time with them This is the best perk for me. Having my daughter at 21 instead of 31 means I have an extra decade to be able to watch her grow into the person she’s meant to be. An extra decade of love, growth, warm hugs, hand holding and heart tugging. And that to me is precious. So yes, I am a young mom but my life is far from over– in fact, I think it’s just getting started. To all the young moms out there, face this stage with optimism. The love and joy that your child will bring you will be immense. Planned or not, a baby will change your whole life, and with them you can live the greatest adventures ever imaginable.  

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The Struggles and Fulfillments of Being a Solo Parent

May 11, 2020

In all honesty, being a solo parent is so much harder than I thought it would be. After my husband left us, raising two 7-year-olds, a 2-year old, and a baby was definitely not a pretty picture for me. But with the help of my parents and my sisters, we were able to live through each day. I remember having chit chat with my single mom friends during my first months of handling single parenthood. My friend, Mommy Jo, told us something that stuck with me: “Yung ‘single mom’, they're two words that describe a single person in two different roles. You find what you need and make things work para magampanan lahat ng responsibilities ng parehong nanay at tatay.” ~ Mommy Jo Whatever the reason is as to why you’re single parenting, being a solo parent is a big change in your life, and it’s completely exhausting. It’s different than just being exhausted from studying for exams or being tired from work. It’s the kind of exhaustion that would sometimes make you forget that you can breathe from all of it too. So, if you’re scared – and that’s okay, you’re human – I want to help you out with a few things I’ve learned myself: The Struggles of Being a Single Mom 1. Financial Strain. For a solo parent, this is the biggest struggle we have to deal with at first, and sometimes even until our child grows up. We were supposed to share this load with someone, so, the first question that always comes to mind is: “How can I support myself and my baby?”, especially if you chose to no longer include your partner in the picture. But a lot of single moms like you and me are making it happen. Do not feel guilty if you feel like you’re not providing enough for your child. You’re working hard and doing your best for your baby. That’s what’s important. “Mga laruan, damit, childcare, tuition, and medical fees – the cost of parenting, that's all in the background. You are facing them alone. But eventually, you’ll manage to give your children a great childhood that's full of magic, wonder, and adventure.” ~ Mommy Jo 2. Emotional Challenges. The feeling of not having your old social life back, the fatigue from not having time for yourself, the desire to blame someone for the responsibility that has immobilized you in your house and your job, and the guilt for thinking that your baby’s a burden. If your situation is a result of a decision you sometimes regret, learn from it and move on at your own pace. Focus your energy on living a wonderful life with your child. Have faith and you’ll get through this each day. 3. Decisions. Single parenting can wear you down, especially when it comes to decision making. At first, you may think it’s a good thing because you can just make the decision you want to make. But you’ll realize later that some decisions are hard to figure out on your own and be able to make the right one for your kid. It won’t hurt to seek help from your family or your other single mom friends who’d understand. 4. The Judgment of Society. This applies not just to us single parents but even to our baby. People judge too quickly without even understanding the reason why we’re in this situation. Even in this time and age, we’d still experience the disapproving look of the oldies, gossiping of coworkers, and the “I feel sorry for you” look when they see your child. But what you always need to remember is that no matter what the reason was, you’re a brave woman. You decided to raise your child and even though you’ll be doing it alone. “I-expect mo nang may judgers talaga sa paligid, kahit pa na alam nila yung sitwasyon mo at ng anak mo. Pero narealize ko rin na hindi ko sila kailangan i-please. Ang importante, nasusustentuhan ko anak ko at sarili ko. Ang importante, masaya kami ng anak ko kahit sa mga simpleng bagay lang.” ~ Mommy Maine 5. Dating. As if it wasn’t hard before, yes, it’s harder now. A lot of people would have a hard time continuing to date you after they find out that you already have a baby. And if ever you’re lucky enough to find someone, you may have trouble with your in-laws in the future. However, just remember that what’s important is you and your child’s happiness. 6. Explaining to your child. This may also include dealing with your ex (if that’s the situation you’re in). This may be one of the most heartbreaking things you’ll ever have to talk about with your child. Questions such as “Where’s daddy?” or “Why don’t I have a dad like other kids?” or “When can I meet him?” will surely be brought up by your child. And I’ll tell you that as early as now, you’ll need to be honest about it. Don’t think of “I’ll save my child from the heartache and lie for now (or forever).” The sooner your child understands that his/her father is not (and may never be) part of the picture, the better you can both accept the situation. But, don’t worry, because there are always two sides to everything! Despite these struggles, there’s a brighter side to look forward to. The Bright Side A lot of people feel sorry for us solo parents, thinking that we have a lonely life. But single parenting is not something for others to take pity on or feel sorry for. So, here’s a glimpse of the brighter side. 1. Having one person in charge. Being a solo parent also means you’re the boss of the house. Yes, it’s tiring and draining. But, let’s look at the good points too: Your child would only have one role model. Most of the time, parents have different personalities from each other. And sometimes it becomes hard for a child to know which one should be their role model. So, although it’s a big pressure on you, you would be the best role model that your child would ever want to become. No blame games. For those who became single moms because of divorce or separation, we know that quarrels in marriages often lead to divorce and could also have an effect on your child. But now, being a solo parent means that if things go wrong, there won’t be anyone to blame or argue with. Again, it’s a big pressure on you for making the right decisions. But then again, wrong decisions will help you grow as a mom and as an individual as well. 2. Becoming more independent and responsible. You’ll feel frustrated with the responsibility at first, or whenever challenges are too overwhelming to handle. And that’s normal. But you can take these challenges as a way for you to become a stronger, independent person who owns the responsibility to take care of a family. Later on, you’ll realize the accomplishments you’ve made with your kid. “Mas naging strong ‘yung desire ko to achieve my goals. Siyempre hindi naging madali, especially kasi I had to finish college and find a job while mayroon akong baby na inaalagaan. Sobrang struggle sa time management, pero at the end of the day, napakafulfilling yung nakakaya ko lahat ‘yun, not just for me but also for my son.” ~ Mommy AJ 3. Learning from mistakes. You and your child will learn from your mistakes. They know that they won’t need to rush into relationships. They won’t look for happiness or support in another person because they know they can have that with themselves and from you. However, be careful of stopping your child from discovering things for themselves as well. Caution is important, but you have to realize that just because it happened to you, doesn’t mean it will happen to them. And if they do get hurt, do not start with the “I told you so” or “You should have learned from me” talk. Just be there for them. 4. A stronger parent-child bond. Single parenting allows us to dedicate more time for bonding. If you’re staying at home with your kid, you’d discover activities to do and create a deeper connection. If you’re a working single mom, you’ll be able to bond with them after work with undivided attention. 5. Your child will be alright. Society believes that children being raised by a solo parent is bad for a child, but it’s not. Single motherhood is not a joke, and yes, your kid may face challenges during the early stages of his/her life. But the beauty in that is they become strong and independent earlier than the kids their age. They learn the value of money early on and they become more flexible with approaching pressure and daily stresses of life. And do you know what’s even cooler? Your child will always look up to you. As he or she experiences his/her challenges, they’ll better appreciate the sacrifices you did for your family. Advice to Single Moms I’m pretty sure you’ve heard a lot of advice from people by now, so I just want to emphasize three: 1. Take things step by step. Decisions to make and actions to take will eventually come, so don’t pressure yourself to know everything already. Unexpected things will happen, and all you can do is brace yourself as you live through one day at a time. 2. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Again, the guilt, the blame, the pressure of responsibility, all of these can consume you. But be kind to yourself and never forget to acknowledge your accomplishments, may it be big or small. 3. Don’t forget that you have a choice. There would be times when you won’t be able to change the situation anymore, but you can choose how you’ll react and your next course of action. Own up to your choices. You want to keep being beautiful and healthy? Choose to care for yourself. You want to have positive vibes, surround yourself with supportive people. You know as well as I do that those small choices will make big differences to our lives. Here are inspiring words from our fellow single moms: “The battles you face, the triumphs you earn, they are testimonies to your incredible strength of character. Regardless of your situation, you are still a wonderful mom!” ~ Mommy Jo “Okay lang umiyak. Okay lang hindi maging strong palagi. As much as ayaw mong umiyak at makita ng anak mo, kasi dapat ikaw yung malakas sa inyong dalawa, minsan ang sarap rin sa pakiramdam na ihahug ka niya, kahit ‘di niya naiintindihan kung bakit ka nagkakaganun. Kasi nareremind ka na hindi ka mag isa, na kasama mo rin siya sa lahat ng ‘to.” ~ Mommy AJ “Okay lang kahit hindi mo laging gusto. Super mom ka, solo parent ka pa, pero tao ka lang rin. It’s overwhelming to deal with the challenges every single day. And minsan napapaisip na lang ako. ‘Di na ba matatapos to?’ Pero pagdating ng anak ko galing school, tapos aakap siya sa’ken pagkatapos magmano… Sobrang sulit yung pagod.” ~ Mommy Jenn So, just hold on there! Think of all the things you and your child have been blessed with so far, and not just with the material things. Being a solo parent is hard – physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. But dreaming for your kid and his/her future makes it a little bit easier every day. It will always motivate you to push yourself and keep moving forward during the trying times. Because you know that by the end of the day, all of these things are worth it.

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List of Activities that You and Your Kids Can Do During Quarantine

May 5, 2020

Thinking of activities for kids so they’ve got things to do in quarantine? I was inspired to write this article when I saw a video my friend had recently shared. It was a video of her daughter, Martina, narrating her activities during this quarantine. There’s a ton of things and activities you can enjoy with your kids! So, here’s a list of what my kids and I do as well! 1. Keep to a schedule. This is what keeps me sane most of the time this quarantine period, and this is what keeps my kids having something to look forward to every day as well. It helps you show the line up of activities you have for them, but it’s better to plan this with them already after a day or two so you’re sure that they’ll like the activities as well. Here’s a sample! 2. Create activity bingo cards. You can make up rules for every activity card. For example, a one-line strike would have a prize, starting with small ones like a piece of candy, while completing the whole Bingo card would mean getting a bar of chocolate. Read at Home Card. Whether it be educational or fictional, this would be a good time to teach your kids how to love reading. You can start with storytelling, and then move forward to teaching them how to read (if they still don’t). It’s good if your kids already have books at home, but you can download or print out online for good reads as well. Household Chores Card. This is a win-win for both of you. You can start teaching your kids how to help you do simple to complex chores at home, and reward them after completing the card. 3. Let them tune into their musical side. Play instruments. There are a lot of video tutorials on the internet you and your kids can find. If you’ve already got an instrument at home, stick with that for now and try to learn with that. Sing-alongs. A lot of mobile applications can be downloaded for karaoke or sing-alongs in this day and age. You can also try singing along to internet videos of minus-ones or music videos of your and your kids’ favorite songs. Or, you can just go acapella and sing your hearts out! Dance crazes. Start simple. You and your kids may even want to try the ones in TikTok! If you all like it, you can take it up a notch and learn a one-minute (or more) dance routine every week. 4. Do arts and crafts. Painting. There are a lot of ways your child can enjoy this. There’s ice painting, sponge painting, glass painting, baby blocks painting, and a whole lot more! Drawing and coloring. Your child can do the traditional one, wherein just having a clean piece of paper, pencils, and crayons would do the trick. But, if you have the means, you can also print out photos that they can color. Origami. This may be a little difficult, and you’d be extra more careful of your children using scissors or getting a papercut, so this is better done if you have older kids. Journaling and Scrapbooks. Designing your kids’ journals or scrapbooks could include all three mentioned. But this would also help you teach them to start writing their thoughts and memories every day. 5. Have entertainment. Hold a movie marathon. Involve your kids in preparing the snacks for this so you can hold a picnic as well. Get a clean blanket, place it on the floor at your living room, and hold a movie marathon of their favorite movies. If you’ve got more than one child, they may want to watch a different movie from the other. You can hold a game to determine the schedule of which movie would be played first. Have a backup plan though, in case someone gets cranky! Play games. Veer them away from technology for now and take out those board games and card games. You can also play charades, play with them and their toys (that could also involve storytelling), or play and dress ups (superhero dress ups for the boys) and role-plays. 6. Create a vision board. This is for your kids to have a visual of what they want to be and what they want to have in the future. May it be a news anchor or a football player, have a mansion or a castle, explore the Philippines, or go to another country. No matter how absurd or silly it may be, let them dream. They can cut out these photos from old magazines and newspapers (or if you have the means, you can print too) and paste them on their vision board. 7. Let them meddle in the kitchen. Baking. This is a great activity for your kids to learn about measurements and doing things with exactness in such a way that they would enjoy it. Imagine them getting excited and learning how to measure two liters of milk, two spoons of chocolate chips, or a half cup of flour, and so forth. Cooking. This may involve measurements as well, but you can view this as better training for their taste buds, such as knowing if the food needs more soy sauce, salt, or water, as well as their sense of time, such as knowing how many minutes an egg should be boiled or fried, etc. 8. Have regular home study. This may not be as exciting as the other activities, but this is a good way to instill discipline on your kids when it comes to their studies. Prepare homework materials and activities for them and have them do it at least an hour each day. Using flashcards for your younger kids could help make studying easier and entertaining as well. You can involve bribes too, such as getting a prize once they finish their assigned homework. I’m sure you and your kids have a thing of your own as well. But these suggested activities for kids could help you and your kids have fun bonding and learning moments. Do you have other suggestions for things to do in quarantine? Leave a comment and share the activities you do with your kids!

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How to Discipline Your Kids: Different Styles Shared by Moms

May 4, 2020

In a recent article, we’ve been given a few suggestions from our fellow mom about positive parenting in raising our kids. But the question of how to discipline your kids is on a different note as well. First and foremost, you need to know the purpose of disciplining children. It should not be to punish them for what they did, but it should be to teach them why what they did was wrong. If we always make our children feel that they have to “pay” for what they did and that they can get attention from you because of it, this may become their way to get you to notice them and contest your power over them. You wouldn’t want that. These may be the fastest ways to stop their tantrums or to change their behavior. But these actions can lead to long-term effects on your kids, especially if it’s physical punishment. Now, there’s no wrong or right way, and we can’t judge how a mother disciplines her child, because our kids are different from each other. So, it’s normal that we will have different ways of disciplining children. My approach may be more effective to my children than it would be to your children or the children of our other mom friends. “Through the years, I learned that discipline across generations varies. One style does not fit all.” ~ Mommy Esmie So today, think of this list as a guide where we can base the way we discipline our kids. I recently talked to a few of my mom friends about this, so let’s see what other moms do to discipline their kids: How to Discipline Your Kids 1. Set rules. Be consistent. Establish consequences. These rules help you teach them the difference between right and wrong. Discuss this with them as early as you can, and explain why these rules are important to you and your child. The consequences shouldn’t feel like a punishment to them. This should only be a way for you to let them understand that every action or decision they make, whether good or bad, has a price, and sometimes it won’t even come from you but through natural consequences. On Setting Rules “Being a mother is not easy. I always told my two daughters to love and respect each other. I teach them as they grow some of the household chores because I believe that it is important for them to learn how to do those chores, for them to become independent and responsible people. So far, I am very proud of my daughters because, whenever I'm not with them, they know what to do and I don't need to worry.” ~ Mommy Helen “Sa money and work aspect... you need to teach your children the difference between wants and needs. Kapag needs ako ang magproprovide... pag wants, she needs to work for it ... pag ipunan niya ... para ingatan niya yung mga gamit na binibili niya. Hindi dapat lahat ng gusto ng anak ibibigay dapat matutunan nila ang value of work.” ~ Mommy Lourdes On Being Consistent “I do not believe in favorites, all the rules in the house applied to all. The way I discipline each of them varies, the approach varies, as each child is different, but the rules and guidelines are the same.” ~ Mommy Bernadette Mommy Benadette believes that some lessons are long-term and should be taught even as your kids get older. “It’s tough being a Mom. You will always have a soft spot for your kids even when they get older. I taught them to love their siblings, share everything from toys to food and books, no squabbling, and always tidy up their toys and books after playing. Over the years, I have never seen them quarrel or fight. They grew up close to each other. They share everything. Manners, their behavior at home, and anywhere we go means so much to me.” ~ Mommy Bernadette On Establishing Consequences “Grounded sila. Kinukuha namin yung toys or phones and gadgets nila and ask them to help sa bahay. Medyo old school oo, pero it helps kasi eh, lalo na nung maliliit pa sila. Kasi mas naalala nila na ayaw na nilang gawin ulit yung kasalanan nila kasi ayaw nilang makuha toys or phone nila. Pero lagi ding akong may promise na if magbehave na ulit sila for an hour or so, ibabalik ko na sa kanila.” ~ Mommy Liya “Saken mas effective yung disiplinahin ko siya through the consequences of her actions. Hindi dahil pabaya ako na nanay, pero hinahayaan ko siya kasi minsan dun lang talaga siya matuuto, lalo na nung lumalaki na siya at tumitigas na ulo. Kapag nag iinarte siya sa ulam namin, sasabihin ko hindi siya pwede magdessert. That way, natuturuan ko siya na ‘di pwedeng hindi kumain ng tama. Pero kung may nagawa siyang maganda, lagi ko rin siyang binibigyan ng prize, pero hindi ko sinasabi na condition ‘yun. If she picks up her toys nang ‘di ko kailangang sabihin, gagawan ko siya bigla ng favorite niyang chocolate drink, pero hindi palagi kasi ayoko rin siyang i-spoil. That way, I instill in her that she’ll be rewarded with her good behavior, pero hindi rin siya dapat maghanap ng kapalit palagi.” ~ Mommy Aurora “I admit, napapalo ko sila minsan. Doon na rin kasi kami nasanay ng asawa ko na mapasunod sila agad. Lalo na kapag hindi magtigil sa iyak yung mga anak ko, isang palo lang titigil na sila. Pero ngayon sinusubukan kong iwasan. Ngayon, nagtanda na din kasi sila, kaya napapasunod na sila kasi tatakutin ko silang papaluin ko or ng daddy nila kapag nagpasaway sila. Tapos ganun pa lang titigil na sila sa pagpapasaway.” ~ Mommy MC 2. Always hear them out and let them understand your side too. It would be hard to discipline your child if they feel that you’ll never listen to what they have to say. So before drawing conclusions and giving consequences, hear them out first and then discuss how you would solve the problem. “Kung pagdidisiplina sa anak ang paguusapan, mas mabuting kausapin ang anak ng masinsinan. Ipaliwanag yung maling nagawa at kung hindi makikinig o umulit lang din naman, maiging bigyan ng punishment. Pero kung maaari, ‘wag sana dumating sa point na pagbuhatan ng kamay.” ~ Mommy Mel “Whenever I scold them for doing something, I explain to them kung bakit ko sila pinapagalitan. There's always an explanation. Sometimes I even say na, ‘Ayaw kita pagalitan but you need to know na I'm doing this to teach you a lesson." ~ Mommy Camie “How to discipline my unica hija... Working mommy and daddy kasi kami, kaya usually Tita kasama niya sa bahay... Pero we see to it na kami as a parent, sinasabihan namin siya palagi na di maganda ang ganyan attitude and always reminding her not to do that bad thing... Medyo ‘spoiled’ ng unti, pero may takot pa din siya amin na parents niya.” ~ Mommy Anna “I never spanked or even shouted at them, then and until now. I talked to them on eye level. I never reprimand them in front of other people. When they misbehave and they do know when, I always tell them that we needed to talk later. A frown from me stops them normally from tantrums. I never talked to them with baby talks, but treated them like big kids. This taught them how to be responsible for their own things and taught them to be confident with themselves.” ~ Mommy Bernadette “Being a mother of two is not that easy, because I am a working mother. Hindi ko namomonitor yung ginagawa nila, especially yung bunso ko. Siya ung tipong dapat mapangaralan ng maayos kasi kung ano yung maririnig niya sayo eh ‘yun yung tatatak sa mind niya. Kaya whenever I scold them for doing something, I explain to them kung bakit ko sila pinagsasabihan. Sinasabi ko rin sa kanila na kaya ko sila pinapagalitan kasi mahal ko sila at ayaw ko silang mapahamak." ~ Mommy Shey “Simple lang, lagi kaming may open communication lalo na nung nag teenage years na siya. I would always let her open her feelings and reasons on why she did this or want to do it. When she's done, I will then explain the pros and cons of her actions.” ~ Mommy Ris 3. Be observant of their misbehaviors. See if there’s a pattern or a trigger, maybe they misbehave when you pay little attention to them, or when they’re jealous of their sibling, or maybe you forget a promise to them. Think about it and have a good talk with them. “Minsan inoobserve ko rin kung bakit siya biglang nagmamaktol. Sobrang out of the blue kasi minsan. Wala naming umaaway sa kanya sa mga kapatid niya. Walang kumuha ng toys niya. Yun pala kasi nakalimutan ko yung promise ko sa kanya nung umaga na maglalaro kami. Sa dami rin kasi ng ginagawa ko as a single mom, ang hirap rin makaalala! Pero ngayon mas nagiging observant na ko sa kanya, and it helps kasi minsan naaabangan ko na and napeprevent ko na yung tantrum niya.” ~ Mommy Jo “Being observant of my son’s behavior helped a lot. May time kasi na sunod sunod na araw siyang nagtantrum, and it was because nagselos siya sa sister niya na mas nalalaanan ko ng time, kasi yung daughter ko eh tinatalian ko pa ng buhok tapos siya suklay lang. Sobrang simple or babaw pero I realized na they are observant as well. So, I talked to him and made him understand na I love both of them equally. Kaya naging mas aware ako sa actions ko and time spent with both of them. Dapat talaga walang lalamang, dapat pantay na treatment.” ~ Mommy Maine 4. Be an example to them. Remember, your kids look up to you. They are observant as well. They think that everything you do and say would always be right, so despite the pressure, we, as parents, are the one’s who’ll set the example. “By setting a good example for your child to follow, and by establishing trust between you and your child.” ~ Mommy Jenn “Saken it’s teaching them by example. Kasi yung mga ginagawa mo, sinasabi mo, nakikita nila mga ‘yun eh. So, if pagsabihan mo sila about something they did, nakakahiya naman kapag sinabi nilang ‘Eh bakit po ikaw mommy?’ It puts a pressure on us moms, us parents rin kasi sa husband ko din, pero ganun talaga eh. How would they learn or be disciplined by you if ikaw mismo di ka disiplinado?” ~ Mommy Liya “When before, traditional parents just warn gen x kids with a single look & a loud voice, this style does not work at all for millennials. Teaching by example works better. Kids follow what you do rather than what you say. Imposing a parent’s standard will only be okay when the child ‘buys in’ - when the kid knows the benefit to him. The ‘telling’ stage is very short for millenials, they respond better when parents are more of ‘listeners’ and ‘supporters.’ I wish I learned these earlier in my life. I could’ve saved a lot of stress. On a personal note, my kids became more independent because I gave them leeway as they grew up, especially in school.” ~ Mommy Esmie 5. Call a time-out. Sometimes our kids need space too. This could be a time for them to reflect on their actions as well. You can set the time limit or let them be for as long as they want to, and then ask them to come back once they have calmed down. “Di ko na lang muna kinikibo yung tantrums niya, lalo na kapag nasa bahay lang naman kami. Di naman kasi kami mayaman, so I work from home tapos husband ko wala sa bahay all day kasi nasa work. So magiging busy ako sa pagluluto, or yung sa work ko, tapos bigla siyang mag-iiyak kasi di ko napapansin. Pero alam ko kasi na nagpapapansin lang siya eh. Tapos mamaya maya mananahimik na siya, pero umiiyak pa rin. Silent crying na lang. Tsaka ko siya tatawagin at i-eexplain ko ulit na nagwowork si mommy, pero if magbehave siya manonoud kami ng movie mamaya. And ako naman I make sure to keep my promise sa kanya.” ~ Mommy Aurora “Minsan din, ignore ko na lang muna sila hanggang sa mapagod na sa pag-iyak, lalo na kapag may inaasikaso ako bahay. Tsaka ko na sila kakauasapin at pagsasabihan kapag nanahimik na at nagmumukmok na lang sa sulok.” ~ Mommy MC “As a single mom, minsan I could only take so much in a day. Yung work ko, tapos susundin ko pa anak ko sa mama ko kasi iniiwan ko muna siya dun. Tapos yung mga need ko pa asikasuhin sa bahay pagkauwi namin, tapos bigla pa siyang magwawala at iiyak. It’s really hard. Pero one of the ways I discovered was, instead of pagalitan ko siya for disturbing me, hinahayaan ko lang siya, parang di ko naririnig yung iyak niya. It gets annoying sometimes, pero in the end, tatahimik siya tapos biglang pupunta sa kwarto. Mamaya bigla na siyang tatabi na saken at aakapin ako to say sorry, then I hug her back and tell her sorry din kasi busy pa ako. Then I tell her na we’ll bake or or do something together after yung chores, and then ask her to help me para matapos na at makapag bonding na kami.” ~ Mommy AJ 6. Give them attention and bond with them. Whether it be through small talks, one-on-one dates, playing with them, or cooking with them, don’t let a day pass without you giving them attention. Because sometimes, that’s just what they need to discourage their misbehavior. “I treat her as a friend, daughter, give her the respect and trust. Inaalam ko rin yung mga pinagkakaabalahan din nila at minsan nakikisabay din ako sa mga gusto nila. I make sure din na friend ko rin mga friends nila. What is important is to gain your children’s trust para wala siya inililihim sa akin. Try to be your children’s best friend. Try to know and adjust to their activities. Kasi iba na ang generation nila. We parents need to level up din naman.” ~ Mommy Ris “Mahirap mag disiplina ng mga kids isa isa sila may iba’t ibang mode at hilig, pero ang importante pare pareho ang pagmamahal mo sa kanila, ako kasi hindi ko sila pinapagalitan. Kung may ibang tao, sa private place ko sila kinakausap, tapos isa isa ko silang dinidate bonding kami bawat isa. Halimbawa, yung panganay ko muna yung isasama ko sa grocery tapos kain kami sa labas then doon ko na siya kakausapin. Kung ano anong mga bagay para makapag open din siya ng mga gusto niyang sabihin, pero sa panahon ngayon mahirap mag disiplina ng kids, maraming distraction.” ~ Mommy Marga There are a lot of different ways of disciplining children, we just have to know the ones that will be effective on our kids. And it should be the ones that our kids would also agree to. It may be the fastest or easiest way for you, but they may not like it, and that wouldn’t be of much help for both of you. Some of us may be recognized as the “cool mom” or the “scary mom” or the “war freak mom” in our children’s group of friends, or maybe we’re the ones being referred to when kids say, “Strict ang parents ko.” But let’s remember that in disciplining our kids, no matter how, we would always have one goal. And that’s to teach them, to guide them, and to help them understand what’s right from wrong, and the consequences both actions would lead to. But the most important thing in disciplining them is to never forget to remind them of how much we love them and that all we want is what’s best for them.

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